Out of whole cloth

While I know that my situation with my son, K, is not unique, I've never really KNOWN someone who has gone through an estrangement.  An acquaintance once shared her experience around her estranged daughter to try to make me feel less alone in my grief.  It did help somewhat.  Another friend introduced me to someone who was going through something similar.  Again, hearing her story helped a bit as well.  However, in neither case did I know these people early on in their situations.   I would love to have a role model on how to best survive my feelings of frustration, guilt, and loss.  Perhaps I can invent someone to admire.  That someone could be based roughly on me, but perhaps my "better self".  Her name is Ellen. Ellen never shied away from the topic of children.  She enjoyed hearing stories about other people's offspring.  When asked if she had children, she would briefly mention her daughter; but she would beg off talking about her unless she knew you well.  You always knew when Ellen considered you a friend, because she would talk about her daughter with you.  She would tell you that she and her daughter stopped speaking years ago, that she missed her daughter every day but that it no longer hurt her deeply to think about her.  While she did not understand why her daughter cut all ties with her, Ellen was proud of the adult her daughter had become.  And, even if her daughter refused to communicate with her, Ellen knew that her good parenting contributed greatly to the creation of the smart and independent adult her daughter had become.  She still hopes that one day her daughter will reach out to her, that they can again be part of each other's lives.  Until then, she treasures her memories of the seedling she nurtured and imagines how gloriously it has blossomed. Ellen is made of stronger stuff than me.  Someday, I hope to be like her.